U.S. cable news networks, which I think would be better called “infotainment channels,” really do suck at doing news. And that suckiness has been on full display throughout the course of what’s widely referred to in their ominously-composed graphics as the “Gaza War” or “Israel At War,” depending on which bubble you’ve entered.
Traditionally, a news operation was spearheaded by reporters who go out into the field and do actual reporting … meaning, they go into a war zone, for example, and put their shoes on the ground, observe events, interview principals, talk to eyewitnesses, gather and confirm facts, and then accurately report the information to the audience. In the television age, they’ve also had the ability to marry their reporting with moving images (both literally and figuratively), letting the camera’s pictures communicate thousands of unspoken words and, even more magically, transport far-flung audiences to the scene via satellite in real-time.
At its best, television is like a transporter from the Starship Enterprise, beaming the world into your living room and, the process, making the world’s events, its peoples and their stories available in ways previously unimaginable. But that costs money. It costs money to deploy reporters, producers and videojournalists, and then link them up with local stringers and fixers. It costs money to book live satellite time or transmit images to video editors who cut the words and the images into “packages” that, in turn, get aired during a broadcast. And if you want to cover something complicated, like a war, you’re probably on the hook for multiple “crews” who pursue multiple angles so you can offer up the most complete picture possible.
Or, if you are just trying to maximize profit by minimizing overhead, you can invite a romance novel cover model onto a hosted show and let him opine about a truly complex event like a war and hope he says something incendiary or provocative or even stupid. And that’s what the profit-mongers at FOX Business did on Tuesday of this last week when they brought Fabio on … yes, the same Fabio who parlayed his modeling career into a stint as a margarine pitchman … to weigh-in on the Gaza War with infotainment host Neil Cavuto.
First introduced as a “normally a nice-looking guy who doesn’t like to get into nasty, ugly political fights,” Cavuto then set up the segment by saying somewhat emphatically, perhaps faux emphatically, “but Fabio’s had enough!”
What followed was exactly what you’d expect to follow … yup, it was a whole lotta stupid. Thanks to the merciful FOX watchers at Mediaite, you don’t have to sit through the segment (but you can if you’re a masochist like me). Here’s their summary of the stupid:
“The world is on fire,” said Fabio. “You don’t have to look farther than our president. We have today we have the weakest president in the history of the United States. The guy doesn’t even know what planet he’s on. And of course, our enemies can see that.”
Fabio went on to say that if a neighboring country perpetrated Oct. 7-style terrorist attacks in the U.S., the U.S. would nuke it. He then went on to say that Hamas is much worse than the Nazis were.
“These people, they find so much pleasure to kill,” he said. “This is worse, 10,000 times worse than the Nazis, you know. And also, they advertise, they publicize, they are so happy. ‘Hey, I killed 10 Jews.’ You know, it’s like, at least the Nazis, they kept it kind of quiet.'”
Yup, the outraged Samson Of Stupid said the brutal attack by Hamas was “10,000 times worse than the Nazis.” Which seems a little off-base when you think about the 6 million Jews they systematically exterminated over the course of a World War in which they also killed over 20 million Russians, along with millions of Europeans and well-over a hundred thousand Americans. But whatever, this is Fabio and he’s mad as hell, and he’s not gonna take it anymore. Plus, there’s plenty more stupid in there … like the observation that the Nazis at least had the good taste to keep their “Final Solution” quiet. Now that’s some Grade A, prime beefcake stupid.
Sadly, though, the segment probably went exactly how the producer and booker of that segment expected. It filled time that would otherwise have to be filled with WAY more expensive reporting (like the type detailed above). It also had a celebrity. The celebrity confirmed the biases of the audience. And the audience was served up a celebrity that also hit the demo … which is Boomers who actually recognize Fabio, either from a book cover they or their wife read, or from a margarine commercial. So, the segment was a “success”!
In fact, the only real “failure” in this type of infotainment television is for a guest to be boring … to say something that doesn’t raise your ire, your eyebrow or your blood pressure. That’s it. That’s all it takes … and that’s why so much time on cable news is filled with blathering heads sitting around a desk or crammed into split screens, just mouthing off about the “news of the day.” It’s cheap. It’s easy. And so long as it holds your attention long enough to get your eyeballs on the start of the ensuing catheter commercial, their mission is accomplished. And even when it’s not a D-List celebrity and, instead, it’s a former politician or pundit or commentator or analyst or, in the time of war, a former military commander who probably works for Raytheon on the side, you are still seeing financially remunerative filler instead of real reporting. And without that, you are being given plenty of heat, but very little light … except, as the great Edward R. Murrow once warned, for those mind-numbing lights in a box.